Because the only marks you should leave a scene with are the ones you asked for.
1 — They Treat Negotiation Like a Buzzkill
A solid Dominant treats negotiation as foreplay. A sketchy one rolls their eyes, rushes it, or calls you “difficult” for wanting details.
Red-flag test: Ask, “What’s your aftercare routine for bottoms?” If the answer is silence, jokes, or “We’ll see,” bail.
2 — Your Boundaries Become “Suggestions”
A bad top nudges, pokes, and “accidentally” crosses lines you set five minutes ago. Watch for language like “But what if we just try—” or “C’mon, trust me.” Consistent micro-pushes today become major violations tomorrow.
3 — They Have Zero Peer Reputation
Good Dominants have community receipts: references, workshop creds, or at least people who’ll vouch for them. Google, FetLife, munch gossip—it’s your due diligence.
Pro move: Ask, “Mind if I check references?” If the ego explodes, you’ve saved yourself a nightmare scene.
4 — Consent Is a One-Way Street
They expect immediate obedience yet shrug off your needs. Notice how they talk about their pleasure versus yours.
Green-flag Dom: “What makes you feel safest?”
Red-flag Dom: “You’ll do what I say if you’re a real sub.”
5 — Safety Gear and Knowledge Are MIA
No cutters for rope, no lube for impact toys, no clue where nerves run through a limb—hard pass. Ask them to name two nerve bundles to avoid with rope. If they bluff, ghost.
6 — Post-Scene Drop Is Your Problem
A bad Dom disappears the second the scene ends—texts unread, aftercare forgotten. Good tops plan check-ins for the next 24–48 hours and actually follow through.
7 — Their Ego Outweighs Your Well-Being
Every story is about how amazing they are. Injury? “You couldn’t handle me.” No thanks. Healthy Dominants carry humility and first-aid kits.
Quick Gut-Check Cheat Sheet
| Ask Yourself | Green Light | Red Light |
|---|---|---|
| Do they welcome negotiation questions? | “Absolutely, let’s cover everything.” | “We’ll figure it out later.” |
| How do they react to “No”? | Stops, discusses alternatives. | Pouts, guilt-trips, ignores. |
| Are safety tools present? | Cutter, gloves, disinfectant. | Random belt from a closet. |
| Follow-up plan? | Clear timeline & method. | “You’ll be fine.” |
Final Word
A Dom/Domme earns your submission; it’s never taken. Keep your standards high, your exits clear, and your gut unlocked. There are plenty of respectful, skilled tops—don’t settle for the bargain-bin boss.
